Holiday Host Mugs

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

'Friday it'll be turkey leftovers; Saturday, turkey sandwiches, and Sunday, turkey hash. As for the wine - no such problem.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

What I would have thought these phrases meant...

Marvellous Christmas

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

The Second Thanksgiving.

Christmas Canapes

Holiday Stress.

2008 Blessings.

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

Dog in Christmas outfit with cracker.

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

"I think this may be an appropriate moment to say a few words in memory of the animals we've slaughtered for our pleasure."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Cardiac Recovery.

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

Camping-Pong

'See you in two weeks!'

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Here's to East, West, South and Bridgehampton, and all the little Hamptons in between."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

Mini Bar

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"I wasn't ho-ho-ho'ing at you, I was ho-ho-ho'ing with you."

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'He's been shot!'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"