Hole Renovator Pillows

'When we return, our handyman will begin installing a new layer of imported dirt. Stay tuned for the next episode of ... Flip This Hole.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Painting the Ceiling

'I found the termites!'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

"I love what you've done with him."

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

"When things have returned to normal I might take this up for a living whaddya thing?!!"

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

WC problem.

Seeing the marriage counselor.

'It's lovely. Have you actually built a flat-pack kitchen before?'

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"