Hiring Trends Pillows

"We used to look at a lot of factors. Now we just hire the candidate with the fewest visible tattoos."

Outer Space Outsourcing

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

Made in China

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

'The recession is over, again.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

"Everything's gone up."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

Final words on gravestones.

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'Sorry, but we need someone willing to evolve.'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

Business Outlook

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

'Less spare change under the cushion is my leading economic indicator!'

"...and if we need someone with an earrings, I'll be in touch."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

Redundancies