Hiring Trends Pillows

"We used to look at a lot of factors. Now we just hire the candidate with the fewest visible tattoos."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

Outer Space Outsourcing

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

Made in China

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Jarvis Cocker

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'The recession is over, again.'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Everything's gone up."

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

Final words on gravestones.

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'Sorry, but we need someone willing to evolve.'

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'The next big thing is ultra nano.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

Business Outlook

'What was the first music they ever said 'this isn't even music' about?'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"...and if we need someone with an earrings, I'll be in touch."

'Less spare change under the cushion is my leading economic indicator!'