Higher Learning Prints

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

Institution of $20,000 plus Tuition Per year Learning

Glad-You-Ation

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Continuing education.

Interdisciplinary studies.

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

Football team discussions.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'I have an MBA, but I've never MBAed.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

End of Affirmative Action

Student Debt

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

'I see you hold degrees in both medicine and law - But tell me, Henderson; do use these powers for good or for evil?'