Heavyweight Humorist T-Shirts

"Have you suffered an injury at work? You could entitled to damages through a personal injury claim."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"