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'I must warn you, Mr. Smith, you'll have to do all your investing on the internet. There's a big shortage of financial advisors up here.'

"It has yet to turn a profit."

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

I know I can't take it with me, but I hoped you'd have lockers.

'Although you still can't take it with you, they let you follow your old investments online.'

...I like to check on how my stock are doing

"Eternity isn't so bad - as long as I can keep track of how my earthly investments are doing."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Oh sure. . . now the market rebounds!"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Heaven

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

I have a dream.

The church of our lady of wall street.

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Buddha Statue: Buy Low, Sell High, Stay Diversified.

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

'Of COURSE we appreciate having someone with your expertise in mergers and acquisitions, but offhand I can't think of another corporation that would match up with ours.'

Heaven - under new management.

Stockbrokers - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."

'Location, location, location.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'the Dow is up'?"

Sell the Universe !

"I was always afraid to read it before."

"Do you want to add something about not trying to time the market?"

'I used to provide capital for business startups. Here's my card. I'm an angel investor.'