Healthy Eating Jokers T-Shirts

"This is where we run into problems with portion control."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

Spanx Tells Me No

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"But is it Organic?"

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

Football crazy

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

Fairy Tales in Pandemic Time

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Health food and junk food

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"