Healthcare Jokes Fan Prints

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."