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The old good-doc, bad cop routine.

'It seems I was wrong, the tests show that it IS contagious.'

'Please be patient. The Doctor will see you as soon as possible. Thank you.'

'Well, he's had the 3 in 1 now. He's got measles, mumps and rubella!'

'Due to my rising medical bills, we're going to have to let one of you go.'

"Tell me if this hurts."

"Relax! That first crack is just me getting past your deductible."

Well at least there's consistency in SOME things.

'I'm sorry, Ma'am, but medical science still has a lot to learn about machismo.'

'And this is where we massage the waiting list figures.'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

'Yes, I know you're not a vet. But as you're a quack, I thought yo might be able to help.'

An allergist sneezing

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"I don't leave home without it!"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

The importance of paying attention in med school.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

The GPC has written to ministers about how children can be more involved with the NHS

'Snap out of it.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."