Healthcare Hero Gifts

'We've had this miracle drug for several years but marketing hasn't been able to come up with a good name.'

Doctor to man: 'We've found a mass. The good news is we have weapons of mass destruction.'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7.'

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

Man in bed to hospital clown: 'It may surprise you to hear that, actually, morphine is the best medicine.'

"We are a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'Susan, hold all calls for the next six hours. I'm trying to comprehend the Affordable Care Act.'

"Don't use any big words for a few weeks."

"I can't wait until we convert to electronic health records. Carry these is giving me backache."

'Now what seems to be the problem?'

Stress on GPs

'introducing the governments new, cost-effective nursing model...'

'Looks like he's hitting his targets'

'We really should talk about how time constraints preclude applying the skills we were taught, to deal with spiritual distress, but I have to run.'

Patient tangled in IV tubes.

"The good news is thet a number of GPs have agree to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues..." "And the bad news?..." "They've decided the best way to reduce their risk is by retiring!"

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know CPR?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Do yo remember when ALL we had to worry about was the patients?

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I admire your persistence doctor. But face it. You've lost this patient.'

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'This pill you take twice a day before meals. . . this pill you take right after I tell you what those pills cost.'

'Clamp.' - 'So, staff shortages are getting serious.'

Stethoscope line.

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

'Are you sure you're telling me everything?'

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

Dear Medication, how are you? I'm feeling much better thanks to you?/ Finally she began responding to treatment.

'Yes, I called you. I've broken a finger nail!'

'... No, I'm sorry, the doctor can't see you right now. Today's his prior authorization day.'

MRSA Guide to hospital.