Healthcare Games Pillows

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'We're playing doctor ??" Billy's the anesthetist.'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"Bad news, Dad—you're brain-dead!"

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'Let's play doctor. You be the primary care giver and I'll be the doctor you refer patients to.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Disorderlies

'Oh for heaven's sake, Jim... all he wants to do is perform a vasectomy on you.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

Orthopaedist

'I know I've been sitting here all morning...We're playing doctors and I'm in the waiting room.'

'Kids today are so imaginative!'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Golf cart in the hospital.

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"Now where was I?"

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Hospital Gift Shop

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

'Too many tv dinners I'm afraid.'

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'