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Wards / Mortuary

Zika: War on Mosquitoes

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

vaccine wars.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

A midwife holding a baby

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."