Health News Skeptic Prints

"Post and viewing of cat pictures on the internet can cause a corona infection..."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The news is so fake, the ads are beginning to look honest."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

Russian war crimes

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."