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'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

'You need more cholesterol. The oat bran level in your body is too high.'

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'But I feel quite healthy.'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"