Health Insurance Agent Prints

'I'm going to prescribe something that works like aspirin but costs much, much more.'

'Your medical problems are more complicated than I thought. I am going to refer you to another doctor, who has more medical insurance than I have.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'The transplant went okay, but your insurance company is rejecting the bill.'

'Do you want to play doctor?' 'I can't, you're not insured.'

'The procedure is not covered by insurance. A drug company has agreed to subsidize the cost if you agree to have their logo and a small ad tattooed on your arm.'

'You're suffering from overall medical inflation. . . there is no cure - unless, of course, we raise prices from research. . .'

"Our hospital is dedicated to cost transparency for our patients. I think you'll find our prices are so transparent you can't even see them."

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'Never mind! He's in an HMO. ...They're sending a tow truck.'

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'Your health insurance company says you misspelled your name on the application.'

'I can't give you a raise, Milhouse, because I'm going broke supplying you with health care.'

'This is the 'place' in 'repeal and replace'.'

'If I do, will you lower my premium?'

'You can reduce your co-pay if you eat lots of chicken soup.'

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'I'M prepared to suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune, but my health plan doesn't cover that.'

'Welcome aboard. All your pre-existing conditions are now completely covered, without any cost to the insured.'

Warning: Eating This Food Could Result in a Decrease of Health Benefits

"Yes, laughter truly is the best medicine but it's not recognized by your HMO..."

Health Costs

"Hmm, yes sir, I think we may need to review that quote that I gave you over the phone."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"The bad side effects are your medical plan doesn't cover the cost of this medication."

"What happens if I lose a leg?"

'I can't sell you a health insurance policy because of a pre-existing condition. But if you hurry, I can sell you a burial plan.'

"Unfortunately, your plan covers only doctors who couldn't possibly help you in any way."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

ObamaCar: 'Ain't she a beaut?'

'I'm supposed to check you vitals, so I'll need to know if you can pay.'

A TO Z Diagnostic: 'Cheap...expensive'.

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'