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Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

PSA Banter.

"My drugs are interacting!"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

If the drugs do cause a problem then we've got some pills that might help.

'I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.'

"Listen, when the side effects of this medication kick in, you'll forget what was wrong in the first place!"

Side Effects

"This is a second opinion. At first, I thought you had something else."

'I'm writing you a prescription. Do you want a longer life with less quality or vice versa?'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

Chicken and the Food Pyramid,

Drugs - 'Placebos' and 'Ex-strength placebos'.

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Irregular heartbeat. Due to irregular exercise.'

"Are you allergic to anything? I mean, aside from whatever it was that bit you?"

'I thought it might help if I listed my symptoms.'

'Let's start by lowering your dosage of Omega-3.'

"It's a prescription for one of those new super-antibiotics. You won't just get better, you'll get even."

'I'm afraid your complaining is chronic.' - 'I want a second opinion!!'

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

'The Angina Monologues'

'I stopped taking the medicine because I prefer the original disease to the side effects.'

'...instead of giving him morphine for his kidney stones, they are testing the healing power of laughter.'

"No need to be nervous, now let me find the instructions for this thing."

'You have an irregular, catchy heartbeat.'

Man bites on stick - "That other painkilling method is of course a lot more expensive."

'Do you want the regular IV or fat-free?'

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

"Great grunts, next week we'll try some weights."

'Take god care of your bacteria! it may well be the only culture you'll ever have....'

Doctor tests man's reflexes, wallet comes out.

'The good news is, you have money up the wazoo. The bad news is, you're constipated.'