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Devils and Angels

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

PSA Banter.

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

Full System Scan

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."