Happily Hitched Humorist Mugs

"Mind if I take this? It might be important."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'He does.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

The Aisle