Habit Hackers Pillows

The Ten Resolutions

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

Weird things I do because of the internet

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'I accidentally hacked into Mom's microwave oven.'

"Never marry an engineer."

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

"I love these fitness bracelets! it's like having a tamagotchi, but the tamagotchi is you."

"I've been feeling healthier since I attached my fitbit to the collar of my neighbor's terrier."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

Changing the Lightbulb.

Secrets of Adulthood.

Finally, I found a good use for that leak.

"Don't worry. She usually breaks her fitness resolution within the month."

4 Great Life Hacks for the Holidays!

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'Clothes-dryer Messiah.'

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans.' 'Now you don't.'

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Addiction Research Centre.

'Scanning articles without finishing them on the Internet is affecting you. You're not finishing anything.'

'Let's face it - home shopping catalogues are marketed at old people...' - '...but with a bit of lateral thinking they could easily target busy young professionals.' - 'These 'bathing wipes', for example, mean I can now wash my lower half on the way to wo

'Stop repeating yourself, Brown!'

"He's starting to make coffee in the mailbox, isn't he?"

"I'm starting my diet today."

Life bingo

'You don't even know you're doing it, do you?'

"What you need, Harold, is to computerize your inner soul."