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Man obsessed with football sees womanly shape as footballs

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"How can you be out of wings?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

Come dine with me!

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Good game."

"Ahhh... close enough."

The Art Student.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Butterfly Woman

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Glastonbury. After.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'