Green Food Skeptic T-Shirts

"I don't usually like green food, but that looks pretty good."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

Gullib-Os

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"Sorry, I can't tell your parents you're allergic to broccoli."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

Lite Beer.

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'