Grant Coordinator T-Shirts

"Hello sir? I believe your name is Grant. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about yourself?"

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

Deadline

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Well, we got the grant."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"I'm hanging tough, guys, but have I mentioned how much I resent you for always making me hold the table?"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

The mazes were too easy, so now they have me running through bureaucracies and looking for grants. (Originally published on 2007-10-18).

"Our funding runs out in a month. Will everyone please think a little faster?"

Tele-Heart Delivery to the Hospital.

The Institute Of Innovative Ways To Get Government Grants.

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"