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That's what I call value.

Why Cows Leave Home

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Sperm Whale.

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

'Pack your things we're moving.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

Bubbie Selfies

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

'That's a birthmark, Billy. The doctor gave it to me when you were born.'

'For a brief time I held the world record for the youngest person on earth.'

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

Young MacDonald

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

"Mum.... I need to poo."

'Hello? Roadside assistance? Yes, can you please send someone?'

'It says 'Take 3 tablets a day'. More helpfully it says 'Keep away from children'...'

'You know how vacations are. You don't even get to the end of the block before your dad starts asking if it's over yet.'

'That's a great first effort, kids, but let's try using the napkins from the pantry.'

'You kids stop your bleating or I'll give you something to bleat about.'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

'These baby teeth are a non-renewable resource rapidly being depleted and should bring more.'

'Grandma, show me the chicken's nuggets!'

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

'Child resistant cap'

Punks with blue/pink hair meet old people with blue/pink rinses.

"You kids think Tea Tree oil grows on trees?? Tea trees?? Well, you're wrong!! It's extracted from the leaves of trees in the family myrtaceae, bred in the plantations of New South Wales!!!"

'I knew there was a reason mom was so anxious to buy me this toy!'

'Your diary? How come you didn't just blog it way back then?'

"According to this, we just keep it alive until it can take care of itself—between seventeen and forty-five years."