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Why Cows Leave Home

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

'They keep telling us these are the best years of our lives...but THEY seem to be having a pretty good time!'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

'Pack your things we're moving.'

Bubbie Selfies

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

'For a brief time I held the world record for the youngest person on earth.'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

Young MacDonald

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

"My great granddad says fruits and vegetables keep him healthy. He calls them 'fossil fuels.'"

"Mum.... I need to poo."

'It says 'Take 3 tablets a day'. More helpfully it says 'Keep away from children'...'

'These baby teeth are a non-renewable resource rapidly being depleted and should bring more.'

'You know how vacations are. You don't even get to the end of the block before your dad starts asking if it's over yet.'

'Hello? Roadside assistance? Yes, can you please send someone?'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

'You kids stop your bleating or I'll give you something to bleat about.'

'Grandma, show me the chicken's nuggets!'

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

'Child resistant cap'

Punks with blue/pink hair meet old people with blue/pink rinses.

'Your diary? How come you didn't just blog it way back then?'

"According to this, we just keep it alive until it can take care of itself—between seventeen and forty-five years."

"You weren't so hung up on my chastity."

'I knew there was a reason mom was so anxious to buy me this toy!'