Graduating From Nursing School Pillows

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

Big Bang Theory.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

Surfing the daily stress

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

Toy Shops and Educated Children

A prince needs to learn arithmetic because some day you may want to divide and conquer.

All Hail the Matriarchy

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

I need to set upmy own company.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"This is what's known as a book."

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

'I'm afraid the numbers don't lie Norton, we're definitely nerds.'

'As everyone knows, scientists are at their peaks early in their careers.'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"