Graduating From Nursing School Pillows

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

Big Bang Theory.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

Surfing the daily stress

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Four Types of Test-Takers...

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

Toy Shops and Educated Children

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

I need to set upmy own company.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'I'm afraid the numbers don't lie Norton, we're definitely nerds.'

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'