Gossip Detector Prints

'You can only believe half of what you read on a cave wall.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'She's so put together!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

A little bird told me...

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

'I wish there was some way we could reduce emissions here.'

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

'Botox...'

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

Weditorials

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

'Social media makes things so much easier to be a gossip."

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

18 Days Since the Last Embarrassing Off-Field Incident.

Pie chart of pub conversations

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

The Original Gossip Columns

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Legs up to here!"