Goofball Antics Mugs

"Today's my dad's 90th birthday. I got him a cake. I used 90 candles to spell out 'Happy 90th Birthday from your goof-up son who can't ever do anything right. I organized the whole party. And what do you think of me, Pop?'...The candles flared up and burned his house down..."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Shoot For The Moon

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

'I think you should seek treatment for that Lego block obsession of yours!'

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

I'm with stupid.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Time-space portal

(Can't) Count Dracula.

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

Playpen Jailbreak.

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

"Come on Ed! Cheer up! Look! Worm Attack! Arrahhh!"

"Well, time to do what we came here to do...our homework."

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

'I hope you replace your divots!'

'Well, Frank, I've told you a hundred times to tighten your neck bolts, but do you ever listen? Nooo!'

'Do not even think about it, Ron!'

Bomb disguised as football thrown onto the pitch.

Turtle bumps turtle: 'WHIPLASH!'

It's not legal advice, but when a judge says "guilty," I wouldn't keep replying, "I know you are, but what am I?"

"A backflip with a full twist, handspray pike and a three quarter roll will do nothing to further your cause Mr Laney."

Lizard running with football.

'Too much to drink at lunch time.'