Golf Course Comedian Pillows

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

'Hole in one!!!!'

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

Old Age Golf

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

"Now take your time. . . birdie or promotion."

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

'I don't think there's any hope for my golf game.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

Helicopter dropping golf balls onto a green.

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Hole in forty-seven.

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

Golf Score Reducer

Golf Hil Divot

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

The natural selection process in golf.

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

'One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball.'

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Tiger Woods, on his way to his 1st golf tournament.

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

'I remember Rod when he used to strike footballs into the crowd!'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'