Going Through A Break-up Mugs

It's not you, it's me.

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"You've got to learn to let go."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"I think we should each try other beers."

A woman buries her broken heart

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

Boyfriend Shirt.

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

"I need a hug."

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"You came back!"

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

'Then, just when I lost twenty pounds and was voted tops in my gym class he ran off with the fatso next door!'

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

'When my psychiatrist told my wife that I had a split perosnality, guess what she did?'

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"