Going Home Gifts

I can always tell when it's near 5 o clock. Pritkin gets that Happy HOur look in his eyes.

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

Paul goes home for the holidays

Fish evolving: 'Write, if you establish a niche.'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"I thought we could just stay home tonight and pupate."

"When the researcher said we were going to a gated community, I had no idea what he meant."

Did you miss me?

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

The journey's end

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"Hold it, Lucy! Here I am!"

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"You'll have to fetch your own slippers. The dog resigned."

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"Hibernate sounds better than binge watch."

"Is that you, or am I experiencing Artificial Reality?"

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Your room is exactly how you left it before you went to college, except of course, for our boarder, Mr. Grunze."