Getting A Promotion Pillows

"Everybody gets a raise."

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"From now on, things will be different around here."

The Warren Buffet Effect - Thank you For Not Asking How Much I Gave to Charity.

'$800,000 per year? Is that with or without an incentive bonus?'

Like many of those in tribicles, Mitch dreamed of one day moving up to the real deal.

"Is there some software that will help me do 18 hours work in less than 8?"

'We greet all newcomers with a welcome pack.'

'Your ambiguities are impeccable, young man - just what our department needs.'

'You aren't actually being replaced by a woman she's going to be doing her old job and yours.'

'Oh, just walking around hoping to be taken seriously.'

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

Handing over money.

'I finally found the perfect employee! No protests, no excessive wage demands and he eats out of my hand!'

'Jerkins and I worked it out. He can have the office with the window.'

"Here's your job description. As you grow in your new job, so will this."

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

"Some of your colleagues have described your demeanor as 'gruff'."

"Sounds like you've got a great vacation planned...with plenty of down-time for the conference calls I'm planning."

Pie Charts.

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'I want everything, bring me everything we have on that.'

'Who's just happy to be employed?'

Dali Clock

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

'Don't Worry - They Never Think It'

"We have everything an awesome credit rating allows one to buy."

"My manager says that the new guy is brilliant."

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"I just figured it out. . . my new raise puts us into a higher tax bracket, and I now make less than I did before!"

Deadlines

"If you get the page 'intentionally left blank', you're fired."

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."