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'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

What the Doctor Ordered

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Cats holding letters up that spell out 'Hang in there'.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Never.....teach your dog to fly.

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'