Gesture Givers Pillows

"Are you sure her voice mail didn't say bring a rose?"

Grace For Flies

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"From the gentleman at the end of the barre."

celebrating a birth.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

A mime and his pet parrot talk to one another.

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

"I'm fascinated by body language."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Say it with flowers - available in any language.

Love.

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

Birthday Racing Car

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Valentines Balloons

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

Saying Grace.

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'