General Practitioner (gp) Mugs

"Now say 'aaaahh'. That's good. We'll have a look in those ears right after I sink this putt."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Your contents have shifted."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Physician tending a mummy.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.