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'How do I know he's mine?'

'I demand a DNA test.'

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Several generations live together in Cuba

Family DNA

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

"You get your hair from your father's side..."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

"Yeah, my great-grandpa was shell-shocked in World War One too..."

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.

'He looks a bit like both of you.'

Antcestry.com

"Can DNA testing really prove that George Washington was the 'Father if our Country'?"

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"My family's been working this land for at least 400 years...!"

"Dad, are you absolutely sure I'm not adopted?"

"That's two days after you were born."

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"