Gastrointestinal Guru T-Shirts

"Please don't kill me."

"Even indigestion tablets repeat on me"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Counting ribs

Self help acupuncture

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"I've just barbecued my head again."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'