Gastric Health T-Shirts

'To be honest, Mr. Thompson, yours is the worst case of trapped wind I've ever come across.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

View to the Future

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Before/After

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Important Food Groups

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Benihana style of cooking.

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

The Main Types of Cheese

"This is our soft opening."

Menu Dating

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."