Gastric Health T-Shirts

'To be honest, Mr. Thompson, yours is the worst case of trapped wind I've ever come across.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

La Table

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

View to the Future

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Important Food Groups

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Menu Dating

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"This is our soft opening."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Before/After

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

The Main Types of Cheese