Gallery Opening Pillows

A caveman art exhibition

"No, she's not dead, but I'm given to understand that she is, at the very least, quite ill."

The Battle of the Pictures.

"You must be the underground artist."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'You're no Pollock.'

Painting taking root...

Rodins rotten juggler

More outsider art inside.

Gallery Opening

McCartney art exhibition: 'The only reason they gave him the show is because he's got a famous daughter'

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

'They always serve such dreadful wine at these things...'

'You're in Gallery Two... right, see you in the bar.'

Instant art

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Misunderstood artist

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

"Now this I get."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Art Gallery.

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Leaves falling out of a painting.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"I read 'Art News.'"

Private Viewing