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Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"You must see someone about your problem."

The Fart Side

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

'Methane Happens.'

"Don't worry. I'm doing someone's liver resection tomorrow and I'll grab one of their kidneys."

'Brother John had discovered a loophole in the vow of silence'

Kick Me T Shirts.

My uncle was a world-famous chainsaw juggler. For one show.