Future Tall Tale Teller T-Shirts

"Believe me, son, you'll grow up fast enough. . . you don't need to check your height EVERY DAY!"

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Fishing Tales

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

Horror Stories.

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Well did he?"

Early accounting scandals.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Fishing Boat Derby

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

'It was this big. I swear'

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

Men reading Tall Stories, and Short Stories in a Library

"You should've seen the triceratops that got away. It had to be this...um...this...uh...well, it was huge."

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

A Salmon Lie

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...