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"I say you're spoiling that dog."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Ironically, bathroom time is the one moment when dogs appear dignified."

Regarding Dolly our Daschund, that's about the long and short of it!

"No! Don't even think about it!"

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

"Foster failure"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Bad dog."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Babies vs. Dogs

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

Boy and his dog

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

'That's our Rex - he loves to dog paddle.'

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

Over the years, Marvin began to look like his bull mastiff.

When is he coming home buddy?

'I heard him mention your name, what does neutered, mean?'