Funny Food Critic Prints

'This stuff must be bad for us...it tastes good.'

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

Mother buying lots of food marked 'RED' under the traffic light food labelling system.

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

6 Brothers Falafel

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Rump roast?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Needs salt!'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."