Funny Baby Stories Fan Prints

Freak Family - please don't be looking at me...

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Fat Kid 17- Swallows the phone

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Newborn making the V-sign

After this embarrassing incident, the woman who lived in a shoe finally checked herself into odor-eaters anonymous.

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

'Kid, would you please keep your head down! I can't see where I'm going...'

"Well, do you have proof it wasn't bigfoot?

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

Fat Kid 18- Makes lego dentures

"Look! the poor kid's prematurely BALD!"

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

"Who do you have to know around here to get a fluffy?"

'Isn't he a little young for sideburns?'

"Baby FOMO."

"It was dark, damp and cramped - why did you lock me in there for nine months??!..."

"Gee, my first man cave!"

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

'She just got her first credit card application in the mail.'

Instantly, tongue knew he was in real trouble and that all his mom's warning, hither to ignore, were true.