Fundraising Fan Prints

'If I look a little pale, it's because I just sold enough blood to buy a new boat. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going home to pass out.'

'That's just for TV and radio stations - KIDS can't do Pledge Week!'

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

'Thank you, Congressmen, for appearing on 'Face the People'. May the best funded man win.'

Platinum Blonde Car Wash Programme.

His movember moustache made him feel very distinguished.

"Hail fellow! I prithee, a moment of your time ..."

Feed the kittens

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

"We only got six days of funding."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Al, this is Jack. He's with the Committee to Eliminate the Board of Education. Jack, this is Al. He's with the Committee to Increase Funding for the Board of Education.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Lincoln v. Douglas - 2020

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

The nonprofit dog fight.

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"What are we doing wrong?"

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'Please help, ma'am. I need support to write my Ph.D. dissertation on 'Successful fund-raising techniques'.'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'