Funding Enthusiast T-Shirts

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

"It's too bad you can't get federal matching funds, whatever they are."

'Senators! Come quick!'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Which way up do you want it?"

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

Lincoln v. Douglas - 2020

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

The nonprofit dog fight.

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

Campaign Trail

The Institute Of Innovative Ways To Get Government Grants.

Appeals

'Always bought low.'

"You've been a very bad man and we like that. So now, we're going to send you to London."