Fun-loving Hypochondriac T-Shirts

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Hypochondria Hospital

"I think I'm coming down with something."

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'I know just how you feel.'

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'Life is ruining your health.'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

Stay away from Pigs.

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

'You're allergic to medical allergy bracelets.'

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"I think I've caught that cold that's going around."

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

'It's that hypochondriac parrot!'

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'The tests came back positive. There's not doubt about it. You're a flake!'