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Consumer Weekly �9.50 - Rip-Off Britain

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

A wiser and a better man

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"I know we have to cut costs, but is bringing only one of each a good idea?"

"C'mere, space heater."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"Before we cut the cake, I want to thank my bride for bringing our wedding in under budget."

'Sold the Harley, opened up an offshore account and topped up our investments.'

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"I know one secret! Not spending $30 on a book filled with common sense!"

"Fuel poverty is not the same as being too mean to switch the heating on...."

"They've worked out the can save money by sharing toilet reading material."

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Most of the dental floss gets thrown out on used. No wonder I'm always broke.'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

'To err is human. To really screw up requires a plan.'

No Frills Psychiatrist.

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Our new double glazing has almost paid for itself - the kids can't hear the ice cream van anymore."

'I can tell when we're in a recession - my allowance gets cut.'

The cost of smoking