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Consumer Weekly �9.50 - Rip-Off Britain

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

A wiser and a better man

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

Everything for a buck.

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"I know we have to cut costs, but is bringing only one of each a good idea?"

"C'mere, space heater."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"They've worked out the can save money by sharing toilet reading material."

"Before we cut the cake, I want to thank my bride for bringing our wedding in under budget."

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

"I know one secret! Not spending $30 on a book filled with common sense!"

'Sold the Harley, opened up an offshore account and topped up our investments.'

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

"Fuel poverty is not the same as being too mean to switch the heating on...."

'Most of the dental floss gets thrown out on used. No wonder I'm always broke.'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

'We can only offer you our basic dental plan: this dental floss and a pack of sugar-free gum.'

'To err is human. To really screw up requires a plan.'

No Frills Psychiatrist.

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

"I've had a look at our revised pension forecast..."

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Our new double glazing has almost paid for itself - the kids can't hear the ice cream van anymore."

The cost of smoking