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My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"There's more inside."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Fries and kids

Cheapskate Cruises

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

"Secondhand books, reheated coffee"

Everything for a buck.

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"I know we have to cut costs, but is bringing only one of each a good idea?"

"C'mere, space heater."

"Fuel poverty is not the same as being too mean to switch the heating on...."

'Most of the dental floss gets thrown out on used. No wonder I'm always broke.'

How to do without

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

"I know one secret! Not spending $30 on a book filled with common sense!"

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."