Friend With Dating Issues Mugs

"Every time I start to get close to a woman an alarm goes off in my head."

Life is for the birds.

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"And the next thing I knew, I was kissing her, and two of her friends, I think one was a dude, then we all did Ecstasy, rented a limo, and went to Vegas—but I swear that's all that happened."

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

'Yes, but at least I don't fake the whole relationship.'

"This isn't working out, Henry...I'm a social butterfly and you're just an annoying little moth!"

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

'Yes, I'm a drone and don't do much, but she's a workaholic!'

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

"You mean you're just going to throw 274 mortgage payments out the window?"

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"Yeah, he's sooo sweet, but I'm not happy as a clam!"

"I never want to speak to you again, but I'm find with sex and other non-verbal activities."

"Cordell has switched to a more music, less talk format."

"It's no use with him. It's over."

"The end of my wife's rope is near"

"Have we really reached a point in our relationship where a heavy police presence is required?"

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

"He's threatened to hop out on me."

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"We got a problem, Mrs. Claus got the sleigh in the divorce."