Friend In A Corporate Job Prints

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

InOutYada Yada.

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

violence in workplace

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

'In the corporate world, I'm a survivor.'