French Cinema Gifts

Jean Cocteau

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

Horror movies

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

No-Work Orange

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

Comedy Cafe

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Stand-up Romcom

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Bloody hell!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Candid Camera store.

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

The star hunters

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."