French Cinema Gifts

Jean Cocteau

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Horror movies

No-Work Orange

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Comedy Cafe

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Stand-up Romcom

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

The star hunters

"Say hello to my little friend."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."